i really lost hope....

dun really understand....

2006-08-05T22:39:00.000-07:00

time is not wasted....spent my time into fishing...work and nothing else....consider me stone age or watever....its seems that i just cannot shake off her in my mind after such a long time.....the feeling totally sucks whenever i passed by her place....it reminds me of everything....i know...i have to move on.....but i am just stuck....work is very stressful...i have been trying to work all the way and fish all the way....but it seems to me that i always have the lonely feeling whenever she is not around...sighz....

wat the f**K!!!

2006-03-21T08:09:00.000-08:00

carmile msged me today....abt wats wrong with eunice....drats...she gave me hopes that both of us will get back together...wats up in the end?i felt damn cheated.....

thinking back....

2006-03-11T05:40:00.000-08:00

after the in camp training today...i realised that i have really lose out alot in life...felt at a lost when i knew i missed out so much things...i am not sure what went wrong with me...well...i am this kinda person...very unsure of myself....but for the moment now...i just keep to the 1 year promise that she will come back to me....its been months since i waited....but i will still wait...kinda missed her...had a very bed feeling few days ago and called up carmile just now....after learning nothing had happened to eunice i heaved a sign of relieve....but somehow i just cannot let go...am i being dumb or wat?why i cannot let go?lonely?yap...i dun deny this fact...i felt lonely without her by my side...drats...i dun even know wats wrong with me...

feeling rather lost...

2006-02-14T18:43:00.000-08:00

to date its a 1 year time since i last handed over a rose to eunice....although i remember we did not do much on valentines's day but her smile still lingers in my mind...its ok that i spent my days here alone now....but i hate to have the idea that she is still in another man's arms....i thought i should have already gotten over it by now and here i am still a loser here....sounds kinda dumb...but all the past memories still flows back....i have given her the 1 week promise...but now....sighz....

long time...

2005-12-04T22:53:00.000-08:00

its been almost weeks since i last blogged...i dun understand why i started it....maybe nowadays i treated it as a way to release all those things i have in mind...somehow or rather i we stopped contacts ever since the last day when she said there is totally no more hope....i threw myself into despair....i also din knew how i passed my days being alone....time just seems to pass very slow without her....i dun understand wats wrong with me....but somehow deep inside me....i only know i miss her alot...i really love her....

wat totally went wrong?

2005-11-25T03:36:00.000-08:00

i dunnoe what went wrong with me today....its just a simple sms from her regarding our relationship and i totally went berserk....i cannot control myself...felt like dying....but i know there are things yet to be done....felt like calling shannie and cry out to her....nvm....

disappointed day....

2005-11-14T02:05:00.000-08:00

just recieved an sms from her saying that she cannot meet me tomorrow....think she is trying to avoid me.....i also dunnoe why....sighz....

sianz....

2005-11-12T23:41:00.000-08:00

was very happily waiting for her at the bus stop this morning....in hope that i can finally see her again....but alas...she did not turn up cause she overslept....went back home feeling rather bad and locked myself back in my own room with tears dripping....sighz....

a ray of hope....

2005-11-12T00:37:00.000-08:00

was talking to her on the phone just now after i finished work....i told her my feelings and finally she agreed to meet me for breakfast tomorrow....really happy abt it....she din made any notice to object me...i felt i really does have a chance again...

sianz....

2005-11-10T23:29:00.000-08:00

yesterday recieved an sms from her...telling me that she told her parents abt our break up le....somehow it makes me rather upset....i dunnoe why also...maybe she really means too much to me...and i somehow brighten up when she smsed me on 7pm sharp this evening....its a gentle reminder for me to quit coke...it seems that she really does cares for me after all.....i do hereby promise myself...if she really will comes back to my side...i will really quit all those bad habits i have...including smoking during fishing....i miss her badly...and i really hope that she will be back....sighz....

boring day today

2005-11-07T17:53:00.000-08:00

today is the first monday we did not meet up since our broke up....was kinda feeling lost as i somehow lost my daily routine....its like so used to it since we started out....its a stupid night night last night too....went fishing only to find police road blocks leading to my fishing spot....sighz....cannot fish liaoz....went to harbour front instead....lost a good take and landed a stupid eel by me and another by a kaki....went to changi village after that and spent almost 300bucks...can feel the pain in my heart....kaoz.....but right now i am still thinking of her....looking at her photo which we took together in the zoo taken last year national day....somehow i know.....i really need her alot....

a day with mixed feelings

2005-11-05T23:49:00.000-08:00

well...talked to carmile just now...she told me abt her...and somehow deep inside me i am really trying to get over it despite all these whole weeks of crying and acting normal to work...i am some kinda rather sick by it...i really wanted her back....i should'nt have lied to ya abt my fishing trips...but somehow i am really worried that u will get angry abt it....i promise never to do that again....but will you come back?i dun know...i know u will not be able to see this blog cause i bet ya dun even know i have a blog...i just miss you so much....today...that bitch called again...she(bitch) asked me for a patch back and somehow i really got kinda angry abt it....but i never showed it to her(bitch)...i just dun like it when she(bitch) just treated our 3 years relationship not even worth then a thousand bucks....and she(bitch) can just tell me...i(bitch) was angry with you that time...but wat abt me?i was lucky....i had her to pick me up from the depression i suffered....but now...she just pushed me down....i am trying to bring her back....carmile said i have hope cause both of us went through really so much...so much that i even cannot afford to believe it....believe that she really went off...felt like shit....i really felt like a piece a shit....i know i cannot afford to lose u...but somehow i knew deep inside that u r really gone....you told carmile maybe the patch back does not means anything to me anymore....IT DOES MEANS ALOT TO ME!!A WHOLE LOT OF IT!!who says i dun care for u anymore??i am just upset abt it....

stupid day....

2005-11-05T03:30:00.000-08:00

well....was damn tired today....have been pushing myself to try and forget her with the method of keeping myself busy....but instead it turns out to be me hurting my own back and need to rest at home for the whole day today....she smsed me at 1.32am just now....although i was very happy to recieved her sms...i was totally blanked...i dun even know wat to reply her...not even till now...that bitch called me this noon...said alot of stupid things..asked me to lend her some cash and she gave me the feeling that she started to stand in the streets of geylang by saying the terms if i lend her the cash...kinda pissed off....

its all over....

2005-11-01T23:30:00.000-08:00

after last nights tap water session....i realised its no point cause she is not going to come back to me....i dun wish to know why cause i felt she does not even wanna let me know....went to work today with a heavy heart...but somehow still managed to squeeze a smile to let ppl think i am normal....got quite a number of cuts but well...she is not even there to care for me anymore...so who cares??just fuck it lor....let the blood drip...she never replied any of my sms from last night and not even a sms from her today...was really hoping that she will just at least say something...even a simple how r u will just brighten up my day.....nvm....fuck it....even if i die she will not know....

i totally lost hope.....really lost hope....

2005-10-31T23:57:00.000-08:00

its was on the 24th oct when she mentioned she wanted a breakup....1 week later which is on the 29 oct 7:37pm she told me on sms that she is considering a patch back.....but just now on 31 oct 11:47pm she just told me there is no chance of patching back....why??just because i am not the Mr right?i really have given up everythings just for you....you brought me up to the highest peak and you really pushed me down... i really dunnoe wat can i do....ever since our breakup...i have been crying myself to sleep...or should i rather say...din really sleep at all and just cried...for the night....put on a happy face and start work the next day??i am really tired...felt like giving up everything....